Where do I begin? Where do I start? Well, I was born on 20th December 1955, brought up on a council housing estate, the middle child of seven, into a working class family. Mum and Dad were both churchgoers. I was baptised Methodist but served as an altar boy in the Anglican Church, to please both parents.
I suppose I had a normal sort of happy childhood, but because I came from the council estate I was bullied by the children from the ‘posh houses’ in the village. I did have some close friends. As I grew up, the bullying continued because we moved house to a ‘rougher’ end of Sheffield and I was then bullied because I came from the posh area. Couldn’t win, eh?
As I reached my teens, I started to do what others wanted me to do just so that I could say they were my friends. Even at a very early age, I needed to fit in, I needed something to belong to. I gave no thought to tomorrow at all. My life revolved around being what others wanted me to be. I became a newspaper delivery boy, and I got into trouble for shoplifting, mainly sweets, chocolate and comic books. I started drinking early, I started smoking early. The older I got, the more I realised that although I had a large group of so called friends, nobody really knew the real me, and nobody cared. But I knew the real me and I cared! And I wanted to be that person – the real me!
I totally flunked out at school – 2 O level scrapethrough passes out of 7, so my parents were none too happy and made sure I went straight into work – no idling around. In 1973, at the tender age of 17, I joined the RAF, but still the same old me inside. I didn’t take to the life and was soon into heavy drinking, and involved with several young women at the same time. I was discharged from the RAF for going AWOL – twice! And after the second spell inside RAF prison, I was told my services were no longer required. Within two days of coming home, I was admitted to hospital with a renal blockage, and that nearly ended everything. I came out of the hospital after 10 days, and quite soon after that I became a fairground attendant at a holiday camp for the season. Life took a real downward spiral there, back into the same vicious circle – drinking, partying, women.
Shortly after returning home, I met a girl from my hometown, and found a job in the wholesale market. We dated and started going steady and two years later in 1978, we were married. It was around this time that I started to descend into depression and started cutting myself, never scratches but actual deep cuts. I regularly visited A&E for sympathy.
Then in 1980 our first son was born, and I wanted him to be baptised. He was baptised locally, and we started attending church, and were quite at home. This felt good, but we drifted away from church, and I was soon into drinking and gambling, stealing from work to pay for my habits. 18 months later, son number two came along. So along to the same church for baptism. But deep down inside I wanted more – I wanted to be loved and accepted and to belong to something or someone. I felt so lonely, even though I was married and had two young sons. At that time my local church had arranged to go to a Billy Graham crusade, in Sheffield in 1985. So on Friday 28th June, I went along out of curiosity and because it was free. During the meeting, Billy Graham started to talk about this man called Jesus, he made him sound so real. I had heard somebody say that he would invite people to go to the front, but no way was I having any of that. And then - I was drawn like a nail to a magnet from where I was sitting to the centre of the ground in front of the stage. I can’t quite describe how I felt. I wept openly as I spoke to a counsellor.
From that moment, I knew that I was loved, and wanted and 'special' and that I could finally be ME. I found a new positive approach to life. I now had the hope that I had always longed for. I started attending a local church, and I sensed that I was being called to become a preacher – not a minister with the collar and the works. We went quite happily to church together as a family. By 1988, although I now called myself a Christian, I was back to drinking, gambling and debt. My marriage fell apart, and I moved out. of the family home on May 21st 1989. There was no chance of reconciliation and I ended up divorced.
Not long after, I met a lady at church who lit something within me, and we started dating. We were married on June 30th 1991, I started studying to become a preacher in 1993, was accredited in 1998 and have been doing so ever since. My life changed quite dramatically really. I suppose it took a while for me to notice, and others noticed before me, but my whole outlook was more positive, happier, more confident. Life is often a struggle, but I see every struggle as an opportunity to witness to my faith. I went through a bad time at work from 2007 with a back problem, and was given voluntary redundancy in March 2008. In September of 2008, my late wife and I visited friends in America and enjoyed the biggest adventure of our lives. I lost Ann on the 11th March 2009 following a year of ill health, but it was down to a congenital birth defect on her brain. My faith in God has given me the grace and strength to carry on, and not just carry on existing, but I believe that he has given me a whole new lease on life. A wonderful Godly woman came into my life towards the end of 2009, we were married on April 30th 2011, and I moved to Chesterfield to begin yet another new adventure.
One day I shall update the story but for now, I shall leave you with this thought: no matter what has happened in my life, God has always been there, is there now and always will be there. I am 69 and a half years old, and so far, I have survived 100% of my days - and so will you, my friend
God bless you
No comments:
Post a Comment